the anxiety is a buildin'

Jared and I decided to be brave and recently made an offer on a house. It feels scary thinking that we're ready for that kind of step in our lives but it's also super exciting imagining that we may actually have a house that we can call our own. Signing the paperwork for the contract honestly felt like an out of body experience. We met with our real estate agent for over 2 hours going through the contract and then we went ahead and made the group decision to just go for it. If our offer actually goes through the first time I imagine this is how my emotions might go--excitement, initial shock, giddiness, shock again, freak out moment, and then true excitement for what is to come. Really, I shouldn't say we're not ready for this because we are. Perhaps it would be more ideal if I already had a job but that day will come soon enough. I should probably get over the fact of feeling young and not "old enough" to do things. Is there ever a point where you actually feel the age you are?

As far as getting a job goes, that's another area that's causing me increased anxiety. Not about getting a job but thinking about what all has to happen before that moment can come. I've been having a lot of moments of "do you know what you're doing? Honestly, do you think you are qualified to be left alone with children and actually help them?" Perhaps what's building up the pressure is the MASSIVE comprehensive exam I have to take in the spring. It is going to be the biggest test of my life that will require me to study for months. I'm really trying to look at it as a super opportunity to really know everything I've been taught and to let it serve to really prepare me for my work. That was probably a total Captain Obvious statement--I do know that is the purpose of this test but really it's hard to be that optimistic when such a huge thing is lurking over you. Positivity is key I suppose...we'll see how that goes. : )